Make Me Wanna Die
by Forbidden.Love.21
Summary: He went so long without seeing her, her being there in front of him was like a dream; he just wasn't sure if it was a nightmare.


_92'_

"Jesus Susan," John Winchester ushered the young women and her small daughter into the motel room. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know..." The young women was almost hysterical, the small mousey girl in her arms was pale and shocked, blood covered her face. "It wasn't-" She shook her head, "It didn't make sense" she sobbed, "It shouldn't have happened."

"Calm down," John Winchester said, taking the young girl out of his friends arms, "Dean, Sam" His two young sons came into the room quickly, "Take her." He said, shoving the girl, who was only probably a year or two younger then Sam into Dean's arms. "Did it follow you," he asked, and when she didn't answer he snapped. "Damn it Susan, did it follow you?"

"I-I-i- don't" she gasped, "Oh god."

"Dean." John's voice was commanding, strong and calm. "Keep and eye out, don't let anyone in this room. You hear me?" Dean nodded his head, "Do you hear me?" John asked again, sterner this time. "Yes sir," Dean answered.

"Good. Come on Susan," John said, grabbing the young woman's arm, "I can't-"

"Susan right now that thing is only after you. If you stay here you put your girl in danger, you want that?" Susan began to sob hysterically "No." she managed to chock out, "Then lets go."

Susan got up, but before going with John she looked at her small daughter, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry baby," she took of her wedding band, setting it on the table next to were she was standing. "I love you."

When she began to walk away, the young girl tried to move forward but Dean held her back."Mama." she cried to deaf ears. Her mother didn't look back and neither did John. They left her standing there crying.

The two boys stood there, Dean on one side and Sam on the other. Each brother had an arm around the crying girl. Ready to offer her the world, if only to get her to smile.

._._._._.

_05'_

"Can't sleep?" Dean asked from the door, not bothering to turn on the light as he entered the motel room.

Rylee shook her head, not even bothering to glance up at him "Too much thinking going on." she shrugged her shoulders, "You know how it is." She kept her eyes on the muted TV. She was positive she could learn to lip read if she watched enough TV like that.

"Wanna talk about it?"

She snorted. "No," glancing at him, "you know you don't want to talk ether. That's too chick flicky for you" He grinned at her, then noticing the half empty bottle of Jack next to the bed he raised his brow at her, head nodding in the direction. "Drinking to forget your problems," He looked at her "How Winchester of you." She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, well. I've been with you Winchesters for thirteen years. I was bound to pick up some of your habits sooner or later."

He chuckled sitting down next to her, "Scoot over," he picked up the bottle, bringing it to his lips. "You know tomorrow just going to be worse."

"Thanks Dean," Sarcasm laced her voice. "I really needed that." She took the bottle from him and took another chug.

They were silent. Both pair of eyes on the television in front of them. Finally, he said after a while. "Maybe it'll be fine." She looked over at him, "You really think so?" He took the bottle back from her, pausing before taking a drink and answering. "No."

She was silent again, eyes going back to the show in front of her. It was an old episode of the honeymooners.

"C'mon" Dean sighed handing her the bottle, "Cheer up, damn it."

"You're telling me to cheer up?" she shook her head, taking another drink "Seriously Dean, you're the one who's been all brooding around here the past week. I'm allowed my one night of gloom."

"Hey!" Dean looked at her offensively. "I don't brood." She tried to hide a smile but failed.

"You brood worse then anyone I know."

"Yeah well, that's not hard. You hardly know anyone."

"Dickhead."

"Asshole."

They smiled.

She looked over at him. Handing him the bottle, watching him as he downed the rest and put the bottle back on the stand beside the bed. "You know what else?"

"What?" He gave her a questioning look, "You're also the most ticklish I know." before he had time to move she was on him, her hand at him sides, her fingers moving fastly up and down his sides laughing at the expression on his face.

"Stop, stop stop stop stop." he chanted over and over again, trying hard not to laugh and be pissed off. Which both was hard too do. Finally getting the upper hand, he flipped her over her arms pinned above her head.

She panted beneath him, out of breath trying to fight her way out of his iron grip. Finally when she did get the upper hand, something happened. His smell of Whiskey and Irish spring soap, leather and gun powder blurred her senses. So instead of getting out from beneath him, her arms wrapped around his neck bringing his face down to hers.

She could see the confusion on his face but didn't stop from buried her face against his throat, drinking in the smell of him before kissing his pulse.

She felt his body freeze and he pulled back, his eyes surprised "Ry?" his voice was husky but confused, "What are you doing."

She licked her lips, her eyes on his "forgetting," she whispered, "Another Winchester vice." She told him bringing her lips up to his jaw line laying kisses down she was shocked but pleased to find he didn't move away, though he was still frozen.

She began searching for his mouth, her nose grazing his jaw. Finding it, she kissed his bottom lip, her tongue gently caressing, teasing him "Lets just forget for the night," She mumbled against his mouth before finally kissing him.

She could feel him at war with himself. It was the same war that was going on inside her at that moment, only difference is, her body was already in the lead to winning the war before they even started.

Finally he kissed her back, his mouth hot and hungry on hers, but only for a moment before he pulled back. His eyes shut but the confusion was written on all of his features. Even with the only light coming from the TV she could see it clearly. "Wait, stop." He breathed in deeply, "This is wrong." But even as he said it, he was still on top of her, even with his arm holding most of his weight off of her she could feel that he wanted too from the pull in his jeans.

"No its not," she whispered, kissing him again, "Dean," she rested her forehead against his, breathing in his intoxicating scent. "Please," It momentarily shocked her to find his body slightly shaking. "Please."

He wasn't sure if it was her please or the way her hands went beneath his shirt, and up his back that caused all the argument in his head stop, he groans a mixture of pleasure and fear," Only for tonight." He tells her.

"Only for tonight." she repeats his words. So he kisses her softly, trying to find the right pace. But her hands are going fast, and they're fumbling with his belt, then zipper and before he knows her hand is inside his blue and green plaid boxers, palming him as shewhispers into his ear "I wont break,"

He knows he's screwed more ways then one when he takes her lips again.

._._._._.

When she wakes up, she remembers the strangest dream ever. One that involved Jack Daniels and a naked Dean. She rolls over trying to keep the sun from her eyes, but the warm body next to her causes her alarm.

And When she opens her eyes, and sees that not only is the warm body Dean's but its also a naked warm body of his, she shuts her eyes again.

This can't be happening, it was a dream. she tells herself, its just a dream. Then she opens her eyes again, she see's that he is still there on her bed next to him. she quietly gets out of the bed and see that she is also naked, the facts are getting harder to ignore. As she tip toes into the bathroom the soreness between her legs is only another clue to the mystery she wish would stay unsolved.

She shuts the door just as he rolls over, and she knows its only going to be a moment before he wakes up completely. She locks the bathroom door, leaning against it for support.

What did she do? She wonders. How did this happen. After all this time with him, nothing had ever happened. And now? How could they have gone from never a kiss to having sex. Lots of sex is she remembers correctly.

She walks to the shower and turns on the hot water, not even bothering to turn on the cold to cool it.

She looks in the mirror seeing the sex hair, and she catches a glimpse of her horrified face as she notices the hickey between her legs.

"What the hell did I do?" She asks herself quietly before getting into the shower.

._._._._.

The soft hum of Metallica filled her ears as she opened her eyes. "Are we almost there?" she yawned.

"bout a hour to go," Dean said, eyes still on the road.

"How long was I asleep?" She asks stretching out, her muscles cramping from the long car ride to Stanford.

"Two, three hours." He glanced over at her, "snoring like always."

She punched his shoulder, "I don't snore Dean Winchester."

He snorted, a small grin on his face. "Sure you don't."

Since that morning they both acted as if nothing has happened and nothing was different. It was easy to pretend she thought.

She looked out the window, had it really been almost three years since He found her crying,sitting on the bathroom floor; a year after Sam left them.

She can still remember it like it was yesterday, she can still see herself a wreck, fighting back every gut wrenching sob, trying to hide it, but the sobs woke him up from a deep sleep. Well, as deep of a sleep as Dean Winchester ever had.

She should have known better, she thought when she saw Dean standing there a deep frown on his face. She's never been able to hide her pain from him, even when she tried her hardest. The thing was, he didn't even have to ask. He just knew, he always knew. "He changed his number," She looks down at the cell phone in her hand. "I just, I just don't understand why." she cuts off her own sentence with a deep sob.

Dean knelt in front of her, bringing her into a hug. "Why aren't we good enough for him Dean," She cried into the nook of his neck. "I don't know." She can hear the pain in his voice and she truly feels guilty for lying to Dean all this time by not telling him she stayed in contact with Sam. She might have just lost her best friend, but Dean lost his brother a long time ago.

"Hey?" Her attention is snapped to the man driving, "You in there?" He smirked. She rolled her eyes at him, "Just listen to the wonderful sound of metallica." Her voice was more sarcastic then she meant it to sound.

Dean glanced at her twice before pulling the Impala on the side of the road. The sudden redirection makes her hit her arm on the door, "What. the. fuck. Dean?" Once the car is officially pulled over, he looks at her. "Look'" He took a deep breath, "I know this isn't something you're happy about, but Sam has a right to know about know." he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes going from hers to out the windshield. "We can't do this alone. We need him Rye"

What was there to say? she knew they needed him, but she was just as sure that he didn't need them.

._._._._.

"Maybe you should go alone," Rylee said a few blocks from Sam's apartment. "What'd ya mean?" "I mean, maybe you talking to Sam alone would work better..." Dean gave her a look an she continued, "Look, he stopped all contact with me Dean. He made it pretty clear our friendship was over? Me showing up with you in the middle of the night," she scoffed, still rather waiting to morning, but Dean insisted they went now, "Might just be the frosting on the cake that makes him say no."

"Or it could make him say yes."

"You don't really believe that."

"Hell Rylee," Dean shook his head, "You and Sam were joined at the hip. You had a nightmare, he'd be the one to calm you down. You fell down and he'd pick up back up." Dean snorted,

"You guys would-" He stopped mid sentence.

"Would what?"

"You know," he gestured with his hands, "Study and be on honor roll together. all that geeky stuff."

She laughed, "And you think means anything?" She shook her head, "He changed his number on me Dean. He promised we'd always stay in touch and you know what he did?" she shook her head, flare of old emotions that never truly went away came rushing back "He ditched me Dean, he just cut me off without and explanation."

"And you don't think he did that to me? To my dad?"

Rylee sighed, it was the same fight over and over again. There dad told Sam if he left never to come back, Dean went along with it. She didn't, she hated John for that. She was hurt Sam went away, but she knew why- a small part of her wished it was her going. Hell, a small part of her did try to go.

"I think it would just be better..."

"Fine." He snapped, "Stay in the car."

"Fine."

Rylee couldn't help but think it was going to be a long night.

._._._._.

She laid in the back of the Impala, her ipod playing softly as she hummed to the music. Her eyes shut and arm covering her eyes from the street light glow.

Her relationships was never a sisterly one with the brothers. Sure they lived together, and Dean protected her and teased her. Sam would be her shoulder to cry on during nightmares and time of stress when school got to her. But there was always something, some bound that she never was able to break in with Dean and Sam.

They would go off together and leave her behind. They'd have these conversations that only they could hear and be apart of and it would drive her crazy- but only to an extent. Because she got to best friends out of it.

Only Sam didn't stay a best friend.

He was her first kiss.

She laughed remembering it.

_"I don't want to get caught Sam." Rylee said, looking around nervously. "We wont." but he __didn't look sure ether, "Dads gone and Dean's in the room with Becky."_

_Rylee looked confused for a moment, "I thought her name was Kelly?" Sam shook his head, "No __that was the girl last night."_

_"Oh."_

_"We don't have-"_

_"No. I want too." She blushed. "I'm the only girl my age who hasn't been kissed yet."_

_"Me too," She started to giggle at his slip up, and a blush crept of Sam's neck and cheeks, "I meant boy."_

_"Its not funny." He mumbled embarrassed now, she nodded her head trying not to laugh. "I know Sammy, sorry." She bit her lip, "are you ready?"_

_He nodded his head, "Ready." They puckered their lips and leaned in to each other, their lips touched with a soft collision, the taste of peanut butter and jelly on both their mouths. It lasted only asecond in time, but years in memories._

Rylee, opened her eyes, the car moving causing her to sit up. She wondered if she had somehow fallen asleep in the memory.

"You know in almost two years I've never bothered you. Never asked you for a thing." She heard Dean's voice, and frowned.

Two years? When did he talk to Sam? She couldn't help but wonder and before she knew what she was doing she was opening the backdoor and getting out.

Sam paused at what he was about to say and looked at her. Not glance, or even a once over but he truly looked at her. Every inch of her. He couldn't help it. He went so long without seeing her, her being there in front of him was like a dream. He just wasn't sure if it was a nightmare.

"Hey Sam," she said, smiling a bit an walking to stand towards Dean. "Rylee." Sam shook his head and smiled finally after getting over the shock of seeing her, "You've grown." She shrugged her shoulders, trying to force the tension out of her body, "I could say the same to you."

Dean cleared his throat gaining their attention "So what do you say Sammy, you in or out?"

Sam glanced at the two people in front of him, he shook his head and sighed not believing he was doing this again. "All right. I'll go"

* * *

Reveiws make the world go around, & my muse happy. ;D


End file.
